Read Did I Say That Out Loud?: Midlife Indignities and How to Survive Them By Kristin van Ogtrop

Read Did I Say That Out Loud?: Midlife Indignities and How to Survive Them By Kristin van Ogtrop

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Did I Say That Out Loud?: Midlife Indignities and How to Survive Them-Kristin van Ogtrop

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Enjoy this hilarious and deeply insightful take on the indignities of middle age and how to weather them with grace—from the former editor-in-chief of Real Simple. "A pure pleasure to read." (Cathi Hanauer, author of Gone) Do you hate the term “middle age?” So does Kristin van Ogtrop, who is still trying to come up with a less annoying way to describe those years when you find yourself both satisfied and outraged, confident and confused, full of appreciation but occasional disdain for the world around you. Like an intimate chat with your best friend, this mostly funny, sometimes sad, always affirming volume from longtime magazine journalist van Ogtrop is a celebration of that period of life when mild humiliations are significantly outweighed by a self-actualized triumph of the spirit. Finally! Featuring stories from her own life, as well as anecdotes from her unwitting friends and family, van Ogtrop encourages you to laugh at the small irritations of midlife: neglectful children, stealth insomnia, forks that try to kill you, t.v. remotes that won’t find Netflix, abdominal muscles that can’t seem to get the job done. But also to acknowledge the things you may have lost:  innocence, unbridled optimism, smooth skin. Dear friends. Parents. It’s all here: the sublime and the ridiculous, living together in the pages of this book as they do in your heart, like a big messy family, in this no-better-term-for-it middle age.

Book Did I Say That Out Loud?: Midlife Indignities and How to Survive Them Review :



My friend Judy and I ordered this book immediately after The Strand bookstore introduced us to Kristin van Ogtrop during a virtual book event in April. (Author Susan Orlean interviewed her, and that was indeed a treat!) After devouring Did I Say That Out Loud?, Judy and I both agreed we’d like to take Kristin out for a glass of wine. We want more of the stories, insights, and wit she shares – qualities that, these days, are much needed and all too rare.Thanks to quarantine, racial injustice, and other factors I won’t bore you with, I confess I’ve found myself reading lately, especially non-fiction, with a somewhat hypercritical filter: “Well, there’s some privilege for you!” Or “How can this person be so tone deaf?” And, as I mentioned in another recent review, how annoyed I am by the self-congratulatory monologue that screams, "I've got it all figured out! I am enlightened! I am woke!"Kristin van Ogtrop rises above all that to share that, like most of us, she doesn’t have it all figured out. Her honesty, humor, and self-deprecation made this book so relatable for me, another white, middle-aged, wife, mother, and writer. Like many of us, she had to come to terms with the rapidly changing publishing industry, leaving a much-loved editorial position. She admits to leaving in tears on her last day, which I appreciate because that would be me. (Screw the powers that be who encourage women to pretend we are stoic, automatons.)The essays in this book drew me into van Ogtrop’s daily life so thoroughly that I felt like I could see into her home, hear her conversations and laughter, and feel her happiness, grief, and mother/daughter guilt.Her journey has been mine in many ways: Worry about children? Check. Turn house upside down for missing shin guard: Check. Concern for aging parents and their memory lapses? Check. Saying goodbye to a much-beloved pet? Check. Having a dear friend die far to young? Check.Van Ogtrop’s stories, most of them not Covid-related (thankfully), reminded me what it’s like to have dinner parties and sip wine with girlfriends in person and not on Zoom; and that if our careers feel stalled out, it’s not the end, there’s something else out there, another fulfilling chapter.There are so many relevant-to-me statements in this book, and you’ll likely find more than a few yourself. The author quotes Nora Ephron: “I don’t think any day is worth living without thinking about what you’re going to eat next at all times.” And, in the context of remembering where we’ve come from: “This was, of course, before I gained the self-awareness to realize that I am not an intellectual, just a smartish person who likes to read.”Most importantly, as pertains to motherhood, a statement from a letter van Ogtrop wrote to her son on the occasion of his college graduation. This is something I have lived and come to terms with, but it bears repeating and remembering, for me at least: “…one of my greatest mistakes as a mother was to conflate your success with mine.”The icing on the cake is van Ogtrop’s occasional cultural references to things I love, like the TV shows Schitt’s Creek and the “six-hour, Pride and Prejudice starring Colin Firth, and the film It’s a Wonderful Life, an annual, Christmas Eve tradition in our home.Kristin, you and your book showed up at just the right time. Thank you. Clearly, we have much in common. So, about that glass of wine…
I subscribed to Real Simple for many years when Kristin was the editor. My favorite part, always, was the Editor's letter. That monthly letter felt like a sweet note from a good friend written just to me. I have missed those monthly letters - and that best of friends is back in this book!

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